S E L F

By

Achala Bhakthan

We come across this word very often – innumerable times in a day in our speech as well as in writing.  All of us have an idea about what it means.  This has many faces like Myself, Yourself, Himself, Herself, Themselves, Itself etc.  What we refer to by this word self?  We mean the physical entity, i.e. relating to the physical appearance of someone or something. Thus it relates to Jeevas or living beings.  In contrast, we see this word used in Vedanta/Philosophy etc. to relate to Brahman, the ultimate or the Truth or the Consciousness.  What a contradiction?  Does this word really point out to the Ultimate or to the material form?  

Before answering this question, let us see another usage of “I”.  The “i” relates to me as a physical entity, a jeevatma, whereas Vedantins relate this “I” to the Supreme Being, Brahman, Consciousness etc.  They differentiate this as small “i” relating to jeevaatma and capital “I” referring to Paramatma. Similarly the self is also referred to as “self” to jeevatma and “SELF” referred to Paramatma.  This is the only differenciation we have come across.  Why this is so, we do not know.  May be to explain things clearly and as these two words generally relate to jeevatma. 

In this discussion, I would like to thoroughly analyse the two usages.  The “i” refers to Ego, that is the Jeeva owning all material things to itself, which is, therefore, equivalent to “self” (or myself).  This shows the ownership of the Jeeva to everything material.  Material includes reference to all physical, mental and intellecatual levels.  I would like to explain this “self” as  “succumbed to earthly life functions” because this jeeva is subjected to the materialistic pulls and pushes and is tossed in between all earthly sorrows and pleasures.  It is dwindling in the world of ignorance  (Maya) and is subjected to the dictates of nature. Thus, it is dependent on various outside forces functioning and cannot lead an independent life.  This is because of the ignorance of Knowledge of the Supreme and identification with inert and impermanent materialistic objects in the world outside. 

Let us now analyse the other “I”, which is said to refer to Brahman, Consciousness, Existence etc.  Why this word “I” given to such a super power?  When “I” stands alone, it has no attributes and it cannot be understood by senses.  To understand anything we need some explanations or similies.  But to know this “I” we have no vehicle but only experience.  As opposed to this “I” (SELF), the small “i” (self) is always dependent with what goes after it.  It has attributes and it needs clarifications to understand what it refers to.  When “I” stands alone, how to understand It?  Our scriptures proclaim that this “I” is the substratum of all and is attributeless, independent, ever existing unlike the “i” which perishes with the end of physical life of the jeeva.  Can you think of referring to anything without the word “I”?  What does this show?  It shows that “I” is the substratum or the base of all material and spiritual references.  Nothing is meaningful without “I”.   Still when this “I” gets related to material things, it becomes small “i” due to dependency.  

We understand a principle that once you are dependent you feel small and once you are independent you get elevated and feel big.  When you refer to “I” it also points out to ‘SELF’.  They are, therefore, synonyms. Thus, when you consider the word “SELF” without attributes or relations, it is the substratum of all living and non-living beings.  When it refers to materialistic personality it becomes small “self”. I, therefore, feel that “I” and “SELF” are synonyms just as “i” and “self” are.  When, thus, the ‘SELF” is the substratum of all, base on which everything exists – material and non-material - it should be independent, ever existing, permanent and True, with no end or beginning etc.  I would, therefore, like to refer to this ‘SELF’ as ‘SUBSTRATUM of ENTIRE LIFE FORCES”.  Of course, this is all language gymicks.  We need a medium of expression to explain anything but whatever we explain will be insufficient to describe the “I” or “SELF”, which is beyond any description. The above two definitions given to “self” and “SELF” are my own imaginations to make things clear – to differentiate between the small “self” and capital “SELF”.     

As we are analyzing the above facts from materialistic plain with our mind and intellect – which are also matter – we will not be able to prove only by mere explanation.  Everything needs scientific proof.  The above equation has to be proved if one should understand and accept it.  If it is any material object we can put it to test and conduct research.  However, the subject chosen is an abstract one and needs rationale or logical explanation.  But as Brahman or SELF is beyond logic, what to do?  Those who want to have a proof have to go through the process of self research.  The process prescribed to realize this TRUTH is contemplation or meditation, which has to necessarily end in Self Enquiry.  In meditation, we are trying to go to the Substratum or Base, which is deep in us, as seen above.  As we have to go to the origin or source of all these materialistic and non-materialistic existence, we will be involved in Self-Enquiry (the only one path shown by Bhagawan Ramana Maharshi), i.e. enquiring into the origin or source of this “I”.   He has given us the “Who am I” process.  This “who am I?” is not a thought nor a question but a process through which we will have to go deep to the root.  

Even in our materialistic living, the moment we enter the consciousness, the first spurana (feeling) that arises is “i”.  We cannot express anything without this “i”.  This “i” is the relation between the spiritual and materialistic existence.  This “i” is said to be the Ego, which is the bridge between the Supreme and the Jeeva.  Without “i” you cannot express because “self” is the base of all materialistic existence.  This can be understood by us clearly because we are daily going through this experience.  Where from this “i” or “Ego” arises?  It has no permanent existence since in deep sleep or after death this “i” expression is absent.  If it is impermanent, it must have a beginning and end.  We know it ends when we die (either in sleep or after jeeva leaving this body).  But have we bothered to question the origin of this “i” or “EGO”? 

The “i” is the spurana when we are awake only and we are aware due to the Consciousness in us.  So, the Consciousness is the source of this “i” when it gets related to the materialistic living.  Though  “i” goes through the experiences in the world outside, the Consciousness from which it arises does not get involved in this, since Consciousness has no beginning or end.  How can you say Consciousness is permanent?  In deep sleep we are not conscious of waking world and this “i” spurana does not exist.  But when we come out of sleep, the first thing comes out is this “i”.  It has taken rest in Coinsciousness and it comes out of Consciousness.  Therefore, Cosciousness has to be permanent – existing in sleep (state of inaction) and wakefulness (state of action).  Because Consciousness is the source from which “i” arises and into which it rests for a while, Consciousness is permanent – ever existing in sleep and wakeful states.  This indicates that Cosciousness is the base or source. This Cosciousness is explained in Vedas as the “SELF” or “I”, because IT is the Substratum or source of all – material and non-material.  The “I”, therefore is the source, and when IT expresses through the vehicles of Body, Mind and Intellect (BMI) and plays in the materialistic world outside, it shrinks to the “i”, which is dependent on the vehicles. In other words, the “I” (SELF)  is the source of energy (Absolure) to the BMI and “i” (EGO) is the shadow of this SELF, caused by the medium of expression BMI.  All of us will agree that the shadow is not real but a replica or reflection of the real and every reflection depends on the nature of the media of reflection that is BMI.  To differentiate between the real “I” (SELF) and the unreal “i” (reflection), we are using the two words “I” (SELF) and “i” (self).  Due to ignorance we are taking the shadow as real and do not try to enquire about the one which causes this shadow.  

The process of enquiry into this Real, Source, Substratum, Truth, Consciousness etc. is called “SELF ENQUIRY”, which is going to the source wherefrom this “i” came. The end of Self Enquiry is called Realisation – realizing the above TRUTH.  And once we realise we are with IT, having no separate existence.  This itself is known as ‘KNOWLEDGE SUPREME”. Thus, “I”, “SELF”, “REALITY”, “TRUTH”, EXISTENCE, KNOWLEDGE, CONSCIOUSNESS, SUPREME, BRAHMAN etc. are the various expressions that we use to describe THAT. Thus,we conclude that “I  (SELF) is real and “i” (self) is unreal.  This is what Adi Bhagawatpada Sanakaracharya has declared that ‘BRAHMA SATHYAM  (real), JAGAT MITHYA (unreal)”.  Do you understand?  If you say “I understood, without understanding, whatever is understood also goes not-understood, have you undersood?” This is what is said in Malayalam language as:

Manasilaakaathekandu Manasilayee Ennu Paranjaal, 

Manasilaayathukoodi Manasilaakaathekandu Pokum, 

Manasilaayoo”?

 OM TAT SAT